True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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