Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
