So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think i have herpe
just one?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
