she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
