sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
