I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
