Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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