she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
