Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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