I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
