there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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