Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
