Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
