Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
