I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Welp...herpes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
