i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
