I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
