I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
