Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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