You just made me feel so damn special
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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