you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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