Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
