Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
