If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Come on in and take your pants off
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