I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've blown a few things in my day
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
