she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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