How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
