my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this boner is exhausting
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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