It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
