If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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