I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
