But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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