when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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