your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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