Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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