Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
