how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
