my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
