My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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