dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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