You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
