I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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