I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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