I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
