i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
