i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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