Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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