just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
