Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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