I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So. Much. Porn.
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