If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
