Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
