I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
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You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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