so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
