i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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