I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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