she woke up with a sticky ear
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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