i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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