Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
