Do you still have your period?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
soo... how was my night?
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