miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
