Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize