If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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