so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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