If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
