his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
