i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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