ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
