i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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