I want to have your abortion
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
