You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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