meet me or not, i'm out of control
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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