we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
