You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
