im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
